Hermia's photos

You know I just got this bug that I want to see my Hermia photos... so I did and yes my computer froze twice (I don't know what that means in relation to my photos.... shrug) but i can't stop giggling what a stupid costume they put me into and now I'm thinking how is it possible that I look younger, sleepier and more innocent in them than now?!



Sleepier I have no idea
(BTW DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST LINE EVER ABOUT SLEEPINESS IS?
MARILYN MONROE in ALL ABOUT EVE says abut producers:
WHY DO THEY ALWAYS LOOK LIKE SLEEPY RABBITS?)
Innocent I'll go with the nature of the role, a young dreamy lover full of ideals bla bla bla...
Younger?! Yes it should make some damn sense since it is true that I'm now like what...? 4 years older, but i stare in my face all the time, everywhere and as a matter of fact I think that I'm keep on looking better and better!
But I may very well be super wrong. damn. the rolling stones CD is over. plain blatant rock'n'roll is always soothing. like nothing is going on, great cover, nothing meaningful, nothing life changing, nothing upsetting at all...
You know last week when I was performing at Chocolate Factory with Pele Bauch Company I managed to finish reading 2 plays (The guys and Well-Lisa Kron) and read entire Rabbit (Nina Raine) and the result was that I was upset, paranoid and definitely moved. Should I stop reading? I mean in general.I mean I guess people write for the very reason to shake the readers/consumers up and make them think, but I think already too much and all this comparison of me with all the characters and the play with my life was just too much.



When I first started living in New York i was reading Einstein's Dream (that was great, what a fun, tripy read!) but then I started with the Unbearable Lightness of Being and that shit haunted me. It penetrated the very pores of everything I was doing, thinking, it played with me and dictated how MY relationship was developing. I think I encapsulated both characters Thomas and Tereza and our crazy escapade ended with him retreating into celibate while I found "IT" in our omni powerful tantra connection. I found it before he retreated, of course. He said: "You can join me on the path of spiritual purification". I was really happy in our tantra world and felt completely blissed without celibate. Still do. I don't think it will be ever necessary.
All this may seem besides the point but what I'm trying to say that books push me over the edge. Luckily I've always hated horror and supernatural or si-fi otherwise just imagine...

I remember the Hermia premiere, how I invented sth. new at the premiere and the director didn't say anything... but then I did sth. new at the next premiere too and he finally did say sth. Forgot what it was. But I think I was infamous for inventing sth. new at premieres. I wonder why, I always feel that I'm trying new, different things just to enrich my final choice but all of the sudden I though: What if I back then finally tried sth. new for the premiere cause I only got sober for that? Now that is a scary idea... I hope not. But there's always so much life to live...
and i hate cold... isolation... being alone...
another reason why i hate horror. none of those states is good for it.

FALL SENSUALITY... TRUTH is as simple as the FOOD

There's nothing better than a cold, dark, lonely night. No distractions, no nobody, no nothing, just Tjasa and her Big Brain sitting and digesting in a room.
The mind projector turns on, the day has been too crazy for any daydreaming... all we see are projections of analyses, conclusions, everyday earned wisdom....

This Fall has been SENSUAL, SENSUOUS...in all kind of ways... very intoxicating even from running in Central Park hugged in all the honey colors oozing from creatures of the skies...
The cold wind lifting skirts, licking legs with a wet and cold tongue and....
FOOD...
This fall is all SOUP. When i come home all i want is a soup.
I go to Garden of Eden, pour the lentil and chicken soup together in one cup, get 50% because it's after 7.30 pm and eat it on the street. Right in front of the store. I can't wait to devour it. I somehow lean on the apple stands. 99 cents a pound. The hotness. of a soup. ahhh
The next day I go to a diner, I eat some crap that has some drowning vegetable in.
-It does it.
On Friday night I go to a vegan hub in the East Village and get a mushroom soup- best catch ever! Good work nimrod. Good work mushroom-picker.
Today I go Wrapido and whisper in Mexicans year that I want mushroom and lentil soup mixed in a small cup. I add some hot sauce and salt and yearn for more. Good.
In the summer my nightly visions belonged to a fruit salad or a fruit yogurt with granola. They are gone for sure.
Like the truth. Truth belongs only to the moment when felt, thought and expressed. Once it's out there a new moment comes with a new truth.
If I yesterday said "I'm only yours from now on" I will feel great. Tomorrow on the street I catch myself staring at strangers' eyes thinking what if something undeniable and irresistible sparkles and I can't help but go there....
To an unknown apartment or library or garage house or...
When I said it I meant it... and if I stayed captured in the time and never go out and feel good and see beautiful strangers with alienated lives... I would still believe. But I can't. Truth is dynamic, changeable and ever growing... it belongs only to a moment, a new one brings a new truth.
soup-granola yogurt. makes sense.

Recently a woman came into my life. A woman I can't stand. A woman that EATS constantly. Because she eats nuts, and carries hummus with 6 slices of bread with her around the world, she thinks she's better.
Cause she grew up on Mcdonalds and Burger King somewhere in Oklahoma. And her mother and father still eat there. Have bags of potato chips stuffed behind a cushion on the couch and gummy bears and party mix and snickers bars and wrappers too scattered around the car... and they can't talk, work or think without sticking something in their mouths.
But SHE came to NYC; discovered yoga and Brooklyn food coop and became one of the "better ones"!!!!
If you can't control your drives to eat are you any better if you eat wild rice with low fat mayo then a double cheeseburger? No! FOOD that you choose and eat is better not you!
You are still the one letting food dictate your moods and thoughts and social cosiness. Social cosiness. If we eat together then it's cool, we're friends, with food and "art" we've left this dog eat dog world behind. yeah. If I see you munching and talking to me about everyday bullshit in a theatre I don't feel like I'm at your living room chatting and being friends and cozy.I see you grinding tons and talking bullshit! I see you snacking between meals cause "that's really good for energy absorption". yeah.
I'm almost getting upset here!I hate bullshit. Pretenses.
If you know you're hooked on food, good! Congrats! If you realize that you really crave some buffalo wings and decide that you'll try to trick your crazy spoiled body and rather eat some crackers and cheese, good! Congrats! We're getting somewhere.
But if you think that your constant hunger and need for food is normal and a great state of spirit and all your body wants is some nuts and pumpernickel, then I hope someone throws you in a half icey lake to wake you up! Bullshit!!!!
Do you hear what I'm saying?
I'm a hedonist and a realist. I know where I'm standing.
I like it I enjoy it...wait it's not that I accused her and then she accused me back of the same no no... I'm somehow explaining to you that I'm not paralleling her and me. We are two different stories. But Because I think food, pleasure, craving carry some seed of "general truth" it's important how we become aware of it! How we accept it and how it effects us! What it means.
She doesn't. I do. Being aware. That's what we're talking about. Truth is as simple as the food.
It comes, you recognize it, you think about it, digest it, take in what you need and move on. Same with food you eat it, digest it, take the substances that you need, discard the rest and move on. Move on.

ADVENTURES OF A SLOVENIAN IN NEW YORK coming up on October 17th at 2pm!

YOU are cordially invited to

A ONE WOMAN SHOW: ADVENTURES OF A SLOVENIAN IN NEW YORK

presented as part of SOLO @the cell: A Twenty First Century Salon


10 things you've always wanted to know about Slovenia and Slovenians. Poignant and funny blunders of an actress that came to New York fleeing the iron curtain. Iron Curtain? What? Wait, where is Slovenia again?

more on www.thecelltheatre.org
buy tickets at https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/129723

Come see the show on OCTOBER 17th at 2pm followed by a talkback with cheese and wine!
Come enjoy yourself at the 21st century salon in the heart of Chelsea!

Berlin Film part1

FIRST PRESENTING THE FACES OF MY BERLIN "EXPERIENCE"

Tjasa actress Daniel producer Denis DP Phillip director




PHILLIP SAID TO ME A APROXIMATELY 2 MONTHS AGO when we were filming " As a wHISTLE"
-You should come to Berlin if you're gonna be in Europe this summer. I'm shooting my feature (Doug's Deutschland)and I can give you a small part...
-HELL YEAH! That's all I needed to hear to get to Berlin! I've always wanted to go! I'm coming!
A month before I went there, Phillip said that his feature is already 2 and a half or three and a half hours long (Titanic length) and that he doesn't need any extra material. Our "As a Whistle" was edited too. So...
I didn't break down crying; I just wrote a pretty ballsy fb message that that's damn disappointing, and that he better write something because I'm coming!

So Phillip gladly succumbed and wrote an excellent little bizarre comedy piece just for me: GEWOHNHEIT IST DAS HIMMESCHATZ...
This is picked up from one of Pushin's poems... nobody can really explain what it means but apparently it's so deep that you can discuss it for hours.
It actually means:
HABIT/ROUTINE/LIFE STYLE IS A GIFT FROM HEAVEN
Haha a bit ironic, ha?

Well, the funny thing about it was that I didn't realize it was a comedy until it was over and somebody mentioned it... I screamed:"A comedy? What?! Why did't anybody tell me?! I didn't play it as a comedy!"
-That's why it's gonna be funny, they replied

Great, I got a character that wouldn't kiss her husband with tongue and only wanted to see her mother and the river (here I nicely developed New Yorky version of it). Stefan Kalosko, my character's husband said that mein mutter is tot und das Fluss stinkt genau so wie sie...that my mom is dead and the river smells just like her.

After a day of rehearsing, Stefan packed us up in his van and took us to some nearby lake with FKK beach. There, we shot the last scene, in which I get dumped in the middle of a forest, and a scene of wading through the lake. Director's choice was that we'll be naked in this Woody Allen-eque scene where my husb. is trying to convince me to get a shrink and lie totally veiled and unexcited in the bed scene coming up later on...

So we got naked, pulled our camera gun out, Daniel-producent, editor and camera man- for this day only- jumped out of his clothes following directors vision and off we went into the lake with a bunch of Deutsche Nudeln and a couple of swans.

Funny.

The next day we first did so called MIDDLE AGE scene (it really felt it could easily go into Cathenbury Tales)
a cold, un-invested jerk off action accompanied with listing trees from my side and his shock: ist das ein zauberspruche? is this a spell? yeah man, i want your wood...
there was a sheep on the bed with us and a giant spider on a wall, moving...

then HauptBahnhof, we were there illegally
with thousands of travelers swarming around us
then river, unveiling the willow tree curtain at the right time, when a boat passes
then cemetery, a joint smoked over my character's mother's grave, flicked on top of it at the end, and then to double certify my sacreligiousness I peed in some bushes really close to an "important historical tumb". The cemetery was beautiful though, bathing in the sun.
The scene in a van. Horrible. Horrible. Stefan is a horrible driver. Light blinding me. AH
NOW, THE GLORIOUS SCENE, at ALEXANDER PLATZ in front of their big "Marine" (dunno if that's right, should google it) church...
Two people, two crazy fucks: Annie and Frank kneeling in front of the two giant doors, each talking to their own god; Frank saying his uberGerman prayer thanking for all the German sport victories and me finally finding some way out of my vacancy through sexual worship of Jesus crooked teeth, the scar above his left knee and his thie as a pillow for his...

5 STARZ: LOVE HATE SHOES BODY IMAGE BEING AN ASSHOLE

5 STARZ: LOVE HATE SHOES BODY IMAGE BEING AN ASSHOLE

1.LOVE
Don't you think that Love is constructed in the way that all smart and logical choices are wrong (regardless how much intuition supports them- since it's a victim of wishful thinking anyway so in this situation relying on intuition isn't any better than ignoring it). All the smart routes and exits are closed and you can only hope for the great beacon from the sky to light you the way where to go and what to do on this eternal detour.

In my case, fucking around is meaningless, now also buying grocery is meaningless, but kind of necessary... is this comparison relevant? Do u know where I'm going? Can we compare meaningless sex with shopping for grocery?
I dunno. sometimes you really solely need a fuck. But meaningless things are meaningless, soulless, boring, unrevealing and unsatisfying...ultimately that means that they wouldn't get you off, so why doing it to begin with?!

While the real feeling of love intoxication pays a visit as often as the first day of a season and then you're fucked. Cause you're intoxication junkie. -I am.

What to do then?
Fall in love, get a miss-you-delirium fit and try to sooth it with something until the meaningless fuck crosses your path, which makes it even worse and cause you start to worry about other things, which makes you at least for a while forget about your drug!
Ah, I'm dumb.


2.HATE
My image, an allegory of hate is Times Square. It somehow just brings it up. It's always full of slow moving tourists blinded by flashing bill-boards with commercials that are now mostly geared towards ugly, everyday people, hicks, that are sheep of consumer society, buying themselves generically trasmutated food, stakes of beak-less chickens and clothes sewn in China...
And you, a busy New Yorker on Times Square just want to run, run straight to where you're goal is to be done with it and run away again from the "enstupided", as fast as jelly moving crowd.
But that's just (let me mention it again) "wishful thinking", there you are, stuck with them on your way to the equity building and as soon as you say: Goddamned tourists, you see a German to your left and an Argentinian to your right. Before you know you start saying I hate G, I hate A and then all of the sudden you start hating everybody for moving so slow and being blinded by this idiotic consumer glitter of banal... And then you realize you've become a racist, a xenophob, a fashist, a fatist, a grumpy person that hates everybody and by hating them becomes what other people hate the most...and therefore start hating yourself, hating yourself, hating yourself for being what you and everybody hate the most... racists
vicious cycle
just don't go to times Square

3. SHOES
Do you ever feel that you're getting suffocated by all the endless pairs of shoes in your room? Peeking from everywhere... Stacked under bed, under pillows, behind your night stand, scattered under a desk, rolling on every free patch of your damn laminate floor? Most of them were accumulated as costumes for various shows and films, have funny smells and are definitely COMPLETELY USELESS!
How about shoes that you can wear? Well, you mean shoes that you used to be able to wear?! Cause by now they are in unbearable states, broken, creepled, with torn insides causing you blisters... Ah I forgot to mention that there's one pair of boots that look great and are in an excellent state... yeah nice try, let me deliver the news: it's summer!

4.BODY IMAGE
Checking yourself out at every store window, analyzing every picture with the big ME in it, feeling bad for every drop of honey when you gotta heal the inflamed throat... I'm sure that not everybody was born into this or some people consciously don't bother, but some are and do. I was and do. I will always think of myself fat, I will always expect to see myself fat and feel bad about it on a very hidden level, somehow hidden, un-admitted even to myself. But what I'm seeing is beautiful, it isn't fat, it's keep on surprising me that's why I look for it, cause I feel fat and only my eyes can convince me that I'm not. I don't know if what my eyes see will ever prevail...
Endless efforts to run, and walk and exercise on all occasions, in wind&storm&rain&hangover&sadness&exhausted... everything can wait but EXERCISE
and when I see my old photos and find myself fat, I pity guys that dated me at that time, cause how didn't they realize that I-fatso wasn't worth them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dJAnlG7nLc&feature=related

5. BEING AN ASSHOLE
I proudly act like an asshole sometimes. I am self centered, self adored maniac, riding my egotrip, looking for servants and jesters and people that admire me to play featured extras in my big movie of life.
And I take is as a childish game.
Some times I need to indulge in my self love and self importance. And then I behave like an asshole. Oh yes i do. And the next day when I come back from my heavenly heights of self importance I expect forgiveness. Cause I forgive others when they go on thier trip too...

NEW YORK LOVE STORY: FROM THE TIMES OF DRIED UP BUGGERS UNDER THEIR LITTLE NOSES

WHAT?! I say to myself. What an exchange ratio I have! Lose two, get three- but I guess that's the way miracles in my life work right now. Guys and opportunities are the subject!

If you're reading this blog then you're probably a chick or some guy that secretly suspects I'm writing about him. I probably am. I'm talking about all of them I know and possibly about you too out there radiating and intermingling with my cosmic beams.

You know, how women always say don't believe "them" and then you, being a sly woman and an experienced human (i think that that I am, cause everything always happens to me. if it's possible then I'm gonna have it happen to me- all from abortions, rapes, stockers to awards and plane diarrhea) of course don't believe anything they say by default. Cronically. The those whom you don't believe, usually surprise you and do something nice for until you show a bit of hope and trust and then they BAIL OUT. But that's fine, cause that's what you expected them to do anyway, on the first place.

Now, you get to people that all of the sudden-when you least believe and expect, that there's more for you in a bank of cosmic miracles-appear, turn your world upside down, make you crazy and fly and dream (it happens to me almost on a monthly bases)! Then they tell you things and you believe them and then you're hyped up waiting for that phone call or to take you surfing or to take you to that awesome roller-coaster in New Jersey and it doesn't happen. It never happens, every time you're worked up, it doesn't work out. WHAT COSMIC LAW REGULATES THIS?!

None of it, after making you feel like you're 15 and that now that's it and it's gonna happen, they nor call, nor take you there nor care.
They CHECK OUT.
WHAT COSMIC LAW REGULATES THIS?!2X

See, my friend says: that what we like about certain people the most is the exact same thing that we hate the most! yeah. meaning I'm loud and exciting and you like me for it and I'm hotblooded and impatient and you hate it! Yeah fuck yeah. It's the same thing, just two different ends of it.

So, I'm offering a possible explanation: say that the situation is: waiting for a phone call, what will Tjasa do?! I'll be cool for 2 days, then there are two options.

1st one : I'll not txt, call...and totally bleach out my expectations and passively nor wait nor do (that's probably the case in which he was too nervous to make the step and I should have done it, well too bad I don't do that in the right case!)
2.nd one: I'll start impatiently communicating, meaning I'll take the initiative, he'll kinda take it easy, I'll get PISSED OFF AND MEAN, I'LL LET HIM KNOW and this is how the story ends...so I basically blew it!

There is a 3rd option that some guy must be thinking of: T they don't like you all that much! Not every one instantly falls in love with you.
Well, let me tell you something: there is such a thing as a gray point in our personalities, and mine just appears to be that I can't see that not everyone is crazy about me. I swear I always had a feeling that there are troops of boys out there yearning for me: in kindergarden there was 7 of them. with dried up buggers under the little noses.


CHAPTER 2
Now, we gotta know that being a young sexy person in New York is a problem! It's a dangerous city. period.

Every time I go out and actually like some person, I freak out cause my first thought is: "CAN WE GET TESTED BEFORE YOU KISS ME?"
Yeah, so if you do get involved that shows that you're willing to RISK. Not just in a classical way of opening yourself to someone and all that crap, but you actually risk your health (wards, hepatitis, bzillian of dirty germs crawled up on those strangers). Then they come and go and always expect you to be there somewhere ready to take them back when they're back in the port. You know what sailor: FORGET ABOUT IT!

And I woke up smelling like cookies-from the unlimited free shots of oatmeal cookies and goldenschlagers last night!

Rio De Janeiro versus New York

First of all look at the photos and see how happy I am...
See? Im shinning and blossoming...? Why?
Because it loves me and I'm loving it!

Rio de Janeiro is a blast of a city. If you're looking for HOT, THIS is a place to go!

Hot weather, HOT HOT HOT PEOPLE, I'm talking men and women, curves, busts, hips, surfer bodies with STRONG SHOULDERS AND ARMS and poppy (not like a flower but seemingly ready to pop)BOOTIES...MMMHM

Then flavors, yeah baby, they also like rice and beans and steak, and don't know much about vegetarianism- they think they can have happy vegetarians on the set for 10 days giving them only salads, rice and banana cookies- and they think it's perfectly ok to order a salad with everything including ham, but that's not what I'm getting at because they have a thing called MARACUJA, a thing called Cashasa and a thing called Capirinhia!

If you put Maracuja (see I adore it so much I initialize it) and Cashasa together you can make the best Capirinha in the world and then you can have too much of it and get drunk like a plane, lose a lover and beat yourself to death knowing it's just a phase, that you will get over with. And once you reach your insanity limit and involve into your drama as many people as possible, you-plane crash and take them down with you!
But, hey when you wake up the next morning you are brand new and you're loving it again. You just wonder why you insisted on buying 2 packs of cigarettes (if you don't even consider yourself a smoker) and have a big chest bruise and a cut open toe...you can't feel it though so you don't stress about it

yeah well, maracuja and chasasa... Have I mentioned there is also a cinnamon kind of chasasa...

Rio is also hot because it looks hot! Rumbling sea and mountains on the same mile covered with tropical vegetation....ahh

PARTYING:
I say LAPA, I say Santa Teresa, I say wild crowd, I say the old part of town where you can hear CHORINHO- A Little cry and SAMBA. And you try to learn, but they are all dancing so fast and you don't even know what the basic step is, and you get frustrated as you knew you would, but that's just perfectionist you, and the out-most experiece is intoxicating, especially because the band is beautiful and music is beautiful and you're in the most dangerous and beautiful part of the city and you wanna stay there, cause wonderful, miraculous things are happening and the film director is love-desperate and reading your palm and he is right!!!!!

The bad side of Rio is that you eventually get home, into you tiny New York apartment, where walls and the ceiling are cracking and it smells damp and it rains everyday and it's the end of March for Christ's sake and you want to wear mittens.

And you have upset stomach
and men are not as cute and flirty, but rather smart, witty and analytical!?!
The beach is not 2 blocks away but subway is if you're lucky... and coming from hot actors' nest where you all lived together as one (and u cursed it at the time)you feel kind of lonely and cold...

So now, my next project is TO GET a role of Jessica in a feature that's gonna be filmed in Florida, yay! Go Tjasa